||[Aug. 23rd, 2006|11:48 pm]
exrecise bulimic's unite!
oy the past couple of days have been rough for me. ive been trying to cut back on the coke, which makes me eat a lot. i feel so weak to food and coke and its driving me absolutely insane. here we go:|
Day 95: 118
Height: 5'3 1/2
This is what gets me: when i first wake up and when i dont eat for a couple of hours then i get home to a stocked kitchen. i got into the coke thing, and continue to be addictedd, because coke allows me to "reverse" the overeating/unnecessary eating that has happened.
im also allgergic to barely, rye, oat, wheat, and spelt, so a lot of vegetarian fake meat (low cal) is off limits to me because its got wheat gluton.
i also dont usually grab the veggies or fruit when i should. this is why: im all about the instant gratification. if something is right there, prepared, easy to grab in a second, i always choose that, these foods are evil, but i cant help but grab for them.
i need to find a way to incorporate my desire to not eat into satisfying my instant gratification cravings, or atleast, need to change mind sets. i used to be so good at waiting, patience, but these days its not so easy. i think this is largely due to the coke because, bing bang, everything changes in a second. no more hunger, food is rid of, and the high is immediate.
im also nervous about college. im going to college this year which means that there will be all these social "events" that always include fatty, gross food. somehow people use food to bond with each other. i hate it. but i want to be able to go to these events and meet new people, but i dont want the temptation to be there. luckily, most of the food will be off limits to me because of my real-food restrictions. my nutritionist (not for the ED but for my wheat intolerance) has listed the following foods i shouldnt eat:
- B.R.O.W.S (the grain i listed above)
--high sodium food
--citrus food (oranges, grapefruit, lemons, lines)
--alcohol and cigarettes (but i dont follow this one)
i think thats it, but i feel like theres more. oh well.
can anyone give me some words of wisdom to help me figure out my sticky situation? i hope everything is going well with everybody else